Too loud. Too fast. Too much.

I knew since childhood that I experience the world much more intensely than other people. Smells were my worst nemesis - waste, deodorant, perfume. However, as I got exposed to the world more and more, I discovered new dangers: light, touch, noise, and other peoples' emotions. Often, it became too much, but I had no idea what was going on with me. I finally got diagnosed with Autism in my early thirties, and applied for a disabled ID. This now enables me to get a service dog.

Why do I need a service dog, you ask? Well. Since human interaction is a nightmare, generally speaking, I prefer the company of animals. At home, I have my cats, who can soothe me and help me calm down after an intense day. But I can't take them with me when I go to work. Furthermore, having a dog requires one to go outside more often, which is beneficial for one's mental health. I know that, but I hardly ever stir outside without a good reason. Going for a stupid walk for my stupid mental health? Nope.

The dog can be trained to disrupt panic attacks / meltdowns, to drag me out of situations where I shut down, or to lie on me during dentist appointments. I live in a state of constant stress. I am positive that having a service dog will greatly improve my quality of life.

The total cost for a fully-trained dog is € 32.000,-. I will receive a grant by the Social Ministry of around € 13.000,-, but I have to raise the remaining funds myself. As with most Autistic people, I can't work full-time. Paying such a large amount of money is virtually impossible.

This isn't just about me, though. I've been advocating for people with mental illnesses and/or disabilities for about ten years. I confront people with who I am to show them that I'm not really all that different. My disability is invisible, though, so it has to come up naturally in conversations. Having a visible manifestation of my disability would help raise awareness. Furthermore, the fact that there are service dogs for Autistic people isn't a well-known fact. Not all trainers train such dogs, either. Spreading awareness is so important.